Winter's Respite
by Polyhymnia Zero
Summary: Squall Leonhart and Rinoa Heartilly lived happily ever after. But what happened to Quistis Trepe? She was denied her knight and future by a twist of fate. What else does destiny have in store for her?
1. Time In A Bottle

Time is a fickle mistress who has us all dancing to the whims of her fancy. Sometimes the melody is jubilant and quick as it embraces you. Other times, it's a mournful waltz that sways you to the misery. Ironically I have a lot of experience with Time. I've danced the endless waltz for too long and the ghosts of the past smile at me everyday from behind their rose colored window panes. How long have I worn this icy mask of perfection? I've become quite the expert of feigning a heartbeat and I've sharpened my words. Strangers who've earned my ire would call me a cold bitch or an ice queen. Friends simply know me as bossy Quisty or more professionally, Quistis Trepe. No one wonders what lies behind the glacial gaze of the snow queen. But that all changed when the man I thought I loved decided to marry the woman he loved.

Imagine if you will; the excitement and celebrity we suddenly found ourselves in. We defeated Ultimecia and saved the world so nobody wanted to let us forget that. It wasn't so bad at first but then the media turned ugly. Our lives fell under the microscope. Stories that weren't even true were printed across the world about us. As much as people wanted to know the good, they also wanted the dirt. So when a few years later the lead hero and his damsel announce their wedding, it's pure pandemonium. To be honest, I guess I saw it coming. I still clung to a shred of hope that Squall would suddenly realize it was me he loved anyway though. I wasn't the type of girl to come between him and Rinoa either. The anguish was by my own hand, a slave to my conscience. Even when I was getting fitted for the bridesmaid dress, I was in denial that their wedding would actually happen.

The day of their wedding was clear and tranquil. They decided to take their vows on the beach in Balamb. We even managed to keep the service there mostly private since we fed a lot of false rumors to different publications. A little part of me died the minute I saw Rinoa garbed in her wedding dress, standing up there with Squall. Her dark hair was caught up in little curls and pinned ornately with tiny, silvery floral clips. Rinoa's dress was simplistic in its design but very elegant on her. It had spaghetti straps and was made of the creamiest silk I'd ever seen. The asymmetrical hem fluttered just below her knees and showed her bare feet resting in the sand. The nails were painted a very warm shade of pink and she wore a single silver anklet. Of course around her neck on a thin silver chain she still wore the rings they exchanged years ago. It was then I saw my defeat and undoing. Squall loved Rinoa deeply and passionately. The nymph managed to pry the armor from the knight because he wanted her to. Now his armor was mine to bear.

My heart was breaking and all I could do was applaud once they shared their first kiss as husband and wife. How could I _not_ be happy for them? Squall has been a childhood friend for a long time and despite my own unrequited affection, he deserved to be happy with Rinoa. I would not brood my loss in front of them on one of the most important days of their lives. I'd laugh and converse with my friends like I'm supposed to. Looking back on it, I wasn't as aware of the events that day as I should have been. I was absorbed by watching my love marry another woman to pay more attention to everything else. Some would say that it was selfish of me to feel that way but I couldn't help it. So when I couldn't keep my tears at bay anymore, it was a bitter cocktail of my pain, shame, and empathy. There were no strangled sobs, just my silence as I drove back to Balamb Garden for their reception. Since the luxurious ballroom is where they met, Rinoa only thought it fitting to have it in the very same place. I steeled myself for the onslaught of chatter and personal questions which accompany being a bridesmaid. Luckily I was seated with Irvine, Selphie, Zell and his date. Once the champagne and other spirited drinks started flowing, the reception became looser. And my salvation of being seated with my friends disappeared as they began to mingle or dance. I did manage to find Laguna and some other pleasant distant friends to chat with but even that wouldn't last forever. Other SeeD members I knew on a vague personal or professional level tried to start idle conversations with me. Some I could tell were being polite while others I figured were just digging for juicy gossip. And the more I got hit on, the more unpleasant I became. People thought it was such a crime for me to be single but they didn't know I was pining for somebody's unrequited idolatry. According to other women I've met, I should be using my beauty and fame to get any man I want. _Well darlings, if that were the case I would be the one wearing white today_, I thought while swishing the champagne around in my flute. That's not to say I was a spinster when it came to my dating practices. There were a few attempts but they never worked out.

Drinking had the adverse effect and every time I caught a glimpse of the happy couple, my chest tightened and the resolve was starting to falter. I stole away onto the balcony apart from all the other guests when I couldn't take it anymore. The night was yielding and quiet as it bathed the land in shadow. The stars peeked from their cosmic tapestry and gleamed snowy white. The music from inside was nothing but a muffled roar. Instead I listened to the delicate cadence of the wind as it caught up the tendrils of blonde curls that fell against my cheeks. It seemed pleasantly cool yet warmth flooded my veins.

I had drank a bit over my limit and now the cute stiletto shoes Rinoa had chosen for us after the ceremony seemed like death traps. I propped an arm on the balustrade while my fingers absently caressed the surface. The mirth I had worn for everybody fell away and I was finally free to get lost in my thoughts. I was already plotting what I'd do now. I knew I couldn't stay here anymore and was fine with ending my career at SeeD. It was the perfect way to end that chapter of my life.

"You know the party is inside, right?"

I froze at hearing those words. That voice was far too familiar in its supreme arrogance and mocking. I didn't even want to acknowledge him. Of all the people to come outside, it had to be _him_.


	2. Chance Encounters

After a moment of mute deliberation, I craned my neck reluctantly in his direction and sure enough my ears did not deceive me. There he was; the thorn in my side during the short tenure as a young instructor, Seifer Almasy. The last several years hadn't changed him too terribly much. His once very short blonde hair had grown out to a modest length, framing his hard and masculine features. He still bore the scar Squall had given him but at least it was only a smooth line of imperfect flesh now. Actually, Seifer cleaned up very nicely for the affair. However I wasn't going to inflate his ego anymore then necessary since he hasn't aborted that attitude. His mannerism is quite distasteful, ignorant, and smug. It would almost seem like I hated him, doesn't it? The truth was, I didn't hate _him_. I just couldn't tolerate that kind of behavior out of anybody and he saw no error with the way he treated others. Sometimes I reminisced over how he betrayed us all and tried to murder us as Ultimecia's knight. It was bizarre to have someone you've known since you were a child grow up and one day be your enemy. Nonetheless I wasn't exactly ready to have tea and crumpets with Seifer anytime soon, no matter what we shared in our childhoods.

"Not all of us are seasoned partiers like you, Seifer," I replied crisply, an edge of sarcasm hanging on every word.

"Still as uptight as ever I see, Instructor. At least you're consistent," Seifer drawled as he lifted the glass he held to his lips and sipped.

"Yes, consistently tired of your presence. So did you come all the way out here just to give me a hard time?" I asked pointedly, allowing my eyes to fix on him.

"Don't flatter yourself, dear. I came out to relax with my drink in private. Picking on you just happens to be a bonus," Seifer commented, that sly grin plastered on his lips.

I smirked at him and wondered absently what the hell Rinoa had seen in him those years ago. He was still rather abrasive. Perhaps it was the overwhelming ego and bravado that swayed her attraction? Don't get me wrong, he was always handsome. But the moment he opened that mouth of his, the illusion was destroyed.

"Glad to be of service, Seifer. Though I'm surprised you're out here. Looked like a few of the other bridesmaids were quite inebriated out on the dance floor, I find it hard to believe you'd pass up an opportunity," I replied with a sweet, venomous smile.

"Maybe later," He said thoughtfully between sips and then another smile crawled onto his lips. "I am shocked you didn't ask me why I was here at the wedding."

I was well aware that he was coming to their celebration. I was also privy to the classified documents which welcomed him back to Balamb Garden with a clean slate a few months ago. Headmaster Cid approached Squall and I with a proposition. Squall and I were the highest ranking SeeDs also and he needed our approval for an amendment to a previous request we had made to him. While SeeD functioned as a sophisticated mercenary institution, we wanted to create a much more covert unit at our disposal. We christened this elite group as Ghost SeeD. They would not officially exist except for the individuals who needed to know. After Galbadia Garden's subsequent attack on Balamb and Trabia, it only seemed practical to create an espionage division. Headmaster Cid had his doubts about our idea since essentially Ghost SeeD wouldn't always be working within the confines of a country's given laws. After six months of wrangling with the Headmaster, he finally allowed us to form Ghost SeeD. But on one condition; we bring Seifer Almasy in to instruct and train potential members. I of course, was completely livid. When it came to missions and class, Seifer was always a loose cannon and therefore unreliable. I couldn't imagine him teaching with dignified discipline and practicality. Inwardly, I was also highly uncomfortable with having to work with him on a daily basis. Oh that's right, did I mention that I would be the other Instructor for Ghost SeeD? I admit my enthusiasm for the project cooled when it meant I wouldn't actually be working with Squall as much as I hoped. And now that he was married, I didn't think I could deal with all the pain that accompanied with seeing him everyday. My mind wouldn't be in the right place and the last thing I wanted was a rehash of my mission failure with Squall and Seifer. I was suddenly very confused with the direction of destiny my life had taken and where else it would go.

"Remember I _am_ a bridesmaid so I already had an idea of who was going to be here," I lied while carefully sitting down in a nearby wrought iron chair.

"Really? I thought it was because Cid gave you an ultimatum for your new black ops project before he officially signed off on it," Seifer smirked as he leaned his back against the balcony rail and watched me.

"Looks like Cid didn't waste his time in giving you the good news. How long have you known?" I asked, genuinely curious and trying to keep my expressions from souring.

"A few weeks ago actually. I've been spending this week trying to get resettled here at Balamb Garden," He chimed with newfound self-satisfaction.

"And how have I managed to avoid you? It's like a small miracle from Hyne," I smiled with deadly sugar.

"You're getting senile, Instructor! You know Cid hasn't made the official announcement yet so I have to keep my appearance very low-key till tomorrow," He scolded with low laughter.

At that moment, I decided I didn't like the way he looked at me. It was akin to a cat grinning at the poor canary before he devoured it. Unfortunately, he was absolutely correct too.

"That's true," I paused and narrowed my gaze at him, each word laced with my displeasure, "And I am not old."

Apparently my vocal irritation amused him all the more as he laughed and finished the rest of his drink.

"I only call it as I see it, dear Instructor. I bet you already have your granny panties and knitting to keep your spinsterhood lively," He remarked in feigned contemplation, the grin twinkling in his piercing emerald glare.

Normally I could careless about whatever childish attempt he made to ridicule me. But this struck a lot closer to home then he realized. The moisture behind my eyes rose as a hot reminder to the shattered muscle that still beat within my chest. I wanted to slap him but then that would probably justify an explanation afterward. And I would sooner have Shiva entomb me in a block of ice forever rather then owe him an apology.

"Very funny, Seifer." I spat out coldly and abruptly rose from my seat.

I had forgotten about the alcohol buzzing in my blood and gravity shifted awkwardly. I anticipated the unkind collision of my body and the balcony but it never came. Instead I found myself held in a pair of arms and Seifer's firm chest pressed into my back. How embarrassing! There was a minute of awkward comprehension as I tried to figure out how to untangle myself from him without stumbling and I felt his smarmy grin boring into the back of my head.

"Indulging in the champagne, I see," Seifer said with a tone of surprise and amusement.

Not enjoying my sudden proximity to him, I lurched forward and he relinquished his hold. I gave an exasperated sigh and slipped the pretty little torture devices from my feet. The stone beneath my bare feet was sweet solid relief. I wouldn't have been in this situation if I had stopped after the fourth glass of champagne but hindsight is 20/20 right?

"Well it _is_ a wedding reception. Aren't I supposed to celebrate in the joyous occasion?" I answered a little too snidely.

I saw Seifer's eyebrows lift questioningly at my unusually caustic statement and I mentally kicked myself. My emotions were raw and the champagne hadn't helped matters. I sighed deeply and looked away from him.

"Do you need help back to your room?" He asked cautiously, the uncertainty written on his face.

I hesitated only because his question caught me completely off guard and the words crashed out of my mouth unceremoniously, "No, I can make it back fine. But thanks for the offer."

"Okay. Just don't blame me if you wake up in some strange puberty boy's dorm room," Seifer chortled as he folded his arms across his chest, the alien emotions I had spied seconds ago gone.

"Good night Seifer. I will see you tomorrow at Cid's meeting," I replied flatly, ignoring his remark.

"Sweet dreams Instructor," He said evenly.

The words had been spoken simply enough but Seifer had a way to pour innuendo into most of his conversations. I wasn't ready to verbally spar with him that night. I was just exhausted and utterly drained from the day's dizzying events. Tomorrow was when my new world would be born and I knew it was going to be an early winter.


	3. Direction Of Destiny

The next day seemed positively mundane now that the wedding came and passed. But I felt irrevocably changed. It was the first day of my life where I knew Squall would never love me. The revelation proved to be a catalyst and darker feelings awoke inside me. I'd always felt a pang of jealousy when Squall and Rinoa began their relationship. Now it had seemed to fester and the bitterness easily tainted my thoughts. To rub further salt into my wounds, their honeymoon started on the day when Cid was making the official announcement about Seifer and that entailed an involved meeting between all of us. I begrudgingly dressed in my finest SeeD uniform and pulled up my long blonde hair in what has become my signature style. I was going to make a much better impression today. I put on the delicate, golden rimmed glasses which was just the flourish I needed to make the portrait complete. I stared at myself in the long bedroom mirror longer then I needed too and my pain stirred uncomfortably within the confines of my heart.

I was beautiful, but cold. Did my expression always look so haughty and indifferent? Some people have called me lovely but the hard, detached career mercenary stared back from the reflection. I knew I had been warmer once and I laughed more as a little girl. What happened to bossy little Quisty? What am I becoming? Is this why Squall could never love me? Rinoa had incredible exuberance and never locked her emotions away from the world. Rinoa was yielding like a gentle breeze and I was unrelenting like cool steel. But I did try to reach out, Hyne knows I tried! The one person I wanted to open my life to completely, didn't want me. I saw the frost begin to melt in my gaze and furiously blinked the tears away. I would not break today.

I quickly grabbed my things for the meeting and headed out of my quarters. I exchanged pleasantries with a few of the younger SeeDs as I walked. When I rounded the corner, I saw Selphie with a stack of fliers in her hands. She had become the head of the social committee at Balamb Garden. She appointed SeeDs to her committee as well and would conjure up all kinds of events to break up the monotony of training and missions. She believed that it was essential for SeeDs to have something leisurely to encourage teamwork and build friendships.

"Oh, hey Quisty" Selphie chimed, a grin bursting forth from her pixie-like countenance.

"Hi Selphie, what are you up to today?" I said, breaking into a genuine smile myself.

"I'm taking these fliers to the other committee members so they can start placing them all around the common areas," She stated with much satisfaction, that mischief in her verdant eyes.

"So you have another dastardly scheme for all the young SeeDs?" I grinned, her manic energy being so infectious.

"Must you always think the worst of my ideas? You haven't even heard it yet." She said, accentuating her sentence with a pout.

"Perhaps you can tell me later? I've got a meeting with Cid and I can't be late," I reasoned gently, stealing a glance at my watch beneath the cuff of my jacket.

"Sure, I don't want to make the Lieutenant Commander late. Though, it isn't exactly nice to skip out of an event without saying goodbye to your friends either," Selphie sighed, tossing me an accusatory look.

"Oh Hyne, I'm so sorry. I wasn't feeling very well and just went back to my room," I said apologetically, careful to leave out Seifer and my distress.

"Too much champagne?" Selphie asked, eyeing me with glee.

I nodded slowly with a wane smile. It was so hard to control myself around Selphie. Her infectious spirit and jovial attitude wooed you easily into bearing your soul. She wasn't oblivious though. I'd keep my broken heart from her for as long as possible. I just didn't want to talk about it, much less rip that mending wound back open again. It ached enough already.

"So what's your meeting about?" She said, shifting the papers in her arms.

"That is classified but you'll find out soon enough," I answered coyly, mostly relieved that she changed the subject.

"Don't tell me we're being sent on a mission." Selphie groaned, obviously not wanting her latest plan to be ruined.

"You're not being sent on a mission," I soothed, rolling my eyes slightly.

"Thank goodness! Well I'll catch up with you later. Bye!" She sighed, a lopsided smile dimpling her cheeks.

"See you later, Selphie," I said quietly, my smile fading as she retreated down the corridor.

That was too easy. The guilt ate at the back of my mind, lying so bluntly to my close friend. But it had to be that way. How could she relate to my loneliness and lack of identity? I didn't want to get out and mingle. I didn't want anybody else but Squall. I had a taste of life and saw that perfection in my daydreams of us.

I stepped onto the lift and thankfully I was alone. My shoulders sagged as I felt the weight of my misery rest upon them. I clutched my folders of documents tightly to my chest, taking deep breaths. I needed to compose myself for whatever waited for me behind Cid's office door. I heard the tone sound as the lift stopped on the Headmaster's floor and without another thought, I smoothly departed the lift. I lifted my chin and caressed my fingers lightly through my long bangs to make sure they were straight as I stepped before Cid's doors.

They slid open to reveal Cid sitting complacently behind his large opulent desk. A pair of chairs had been placed before the desk and Seifer occupied one of them. Surprisingly, he was outfitted in a SeeD uniform. _How sweet_, I thought sarcastically as I felt my lips twitch with the notion of a smirk.

"Good morning, Quistis. Please sit down," Cid greeted, gesturing toward the empty chair.

Cid opened the communication panel and a few seconds later, I heard Squall's voice loud and clear over the speaker. I thought he wasn't going to be present at all? Suddenly I was very curious.

"Are we ready to begin?"

I quickly sat down and fingered my folders. I had spent a lot of time, etching out detailed guidelines and lists of candidates. I may have had doubts about my future with the Garden but, that didn't mean I wouldn't fulfill my duties.

"I believe we are ready. Let me begin by saying how glad we are to have you with Balamb Garden again, Seifer," Cid replied, that benevolent smile on his face.

"Thank you, Headmaster. It is an honor and I'm very grateful for this opportunity," Seifer said as he tossed me a look and I nearly sighed in disgust.

It seemed he was on his best behavior for the time being. I was sure it wouldn't last thought. He always had issues with authority. I adjusted slightly in my chair and crossed my legs. Seifer glanced back in my direction again at my movement and his eyes drifted lazily down my legs before staring at Cid again. I frowned briefly but shrugged it off.

"I have already compiled a list of candidates for this program and some rudimentary instruction. Naturally I'd have to work on the specifics with Seifer though," I stated calmly and confidently.

"Quistis, there has been a change of plans. I should have said something sooner but I've been overwhelmed by the wedding along with my normal duties. Cid and I have been in heavy discussion for the last few hours," Squall said apologetically.

"What kind of changes?" I asked, arching a brow in mild irritation at this turn of events.

"While the concept of this unit is wonderful, I do not think it is in the best interest of SeeD or the majority of its members since it would place them in such a precarious position with the international governments," Cid explained.

"I was inclined to agree with him. We cannot put the entire Garden in danger," Squall added cautiously.

Of course, they were right. But I was quickly becoming annoyed. I had wasted so much time on this as a valid program. And Squall couldn't talk to me about his own doubts because of his weddings? Perhaps if he had spent less time making out with Rinoa, he'd communicate better I'm sure.

"If that is the case, why is Seifer still here?" I asked icily, not even bothering to mask my unhappiness.

"We haven't completely abandoned Ghost SeeD. We've merely scaled back the project appropriately and Seifer is still a useful asset. But we realize that he is rough around the edges and in need of guidance still," Squall continued.

"I'm still in the room by the way," Seifer commented venomously, his eyes narrowing at Squall.

My former pupils stared each other and I instantly recognized their body language. _Some things never change,_ I thought to myself. This was not the time for a pissing contest so I quickly put the conversation back on track.

"Wait, what are you saying? You know I am not fond of the song and dance routine," I said, squashing the insolence that nearly laced my words.

"Seifer will be our Ghost SeeD. Based on his experience alone, he has the skill and knowledge to move undetected," Squall answered reluctantly, as if the statement itself left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Has everybody suffered memory loss or wiped the SeeD files? Seifer has a proficiency for not following orders and making brash decisions," I fired back, feeling betrayed and used in the whole situation.

"..Which is why you've been assigned as his partner for missions," Cid interjected sternly.

I went rigid in my chair and I swear I saw the shadow of a grin on Seifer's face out of the corner of my eye. I knew what missions for Ghost SeeD would entail and that included a lot of sacrifice. After all, I was the one who drafted the proposal and wrote the objectives. The types of missions varied but Ghost SeeD would take part in longer campaigns that required living for months at a time in another location. Cid's backhanded compliment went unnoticed as I fumed in silence. Did they also choose me because unlike everybody else, I had no "attachments" at Balamb Garden? It seemed unfair that they made the decision for me. The more it stewed in my mind, the angrier I became. It _was_ logical since I leave no family and significant other behind. However, I deserved to have a _choice_. The self restraint slipped and my bruised ego couldn't take being the complacent doormat to them any longer.

"Unacceptable!" I exclaimed, rising from the chair and slamming my hands on Cid's desk. The documents I once held littered the floor at my feet.


End file.
